Thursday, February 24, 2011

My Little Hypochondriac

One of my sons is a hypochondriac. Fabulous. A feather can brush against his finger and he will then carry on for the next ten minutes about his sore finger...about how he needs mommy to kiss it better...about how it is going to fall off...about how there is going to be a nuclear holocaust if someone doesn't stop the North Korean regime before it's too late. Ok - he might not use words like Holocaust...he is only 2 1/2 after all. He also has this new excuse when he doesn't want to do something..."my (insert body part) hurts". I looked at him the other day after his 42nd body part of the day had been injured/hurt and said "I know that you don't understand what I'm about to say to you, bust you really have the wrong mother to be trying to pulling such stunts. I am in a profession where I know what it means to have something hurt and believe me - you are not hurt. And trust me, it is only going to get harder and harder for you to try and convince me otherwise". My 2 1/2 year old just looked at me and ran off to play with his fire truck...his decrepit, painful, injured body suddenly and magically cured. For the time being at least.

Monday, February 21, 2011

A Financial Plan

Dear CEO of My Hospital:

I know that times are tough. I can only imagine the stress that you must feel when budgeting for our hospital, when the province is breathing down your neck to try and cut your budget meanwhile you are serving a community that continues to grow at breakneck speed. There is a very good reason that you are in charge of such things and I am not. I have recently learned how to financially manage my own household, although I still have a long way to go. I do, however, have one suggestion on how you can save hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

Please explain to me why if I would like a hospital porter to clean a bed, transfer a patient or do any other task, that I have to call a number which directs me to a person 30 km a way so that they can then page the porter standing right in front of me to do exactly what I could have asked them to do. (No people in Bloggy-Land....I kid you not). And then then the porter has to pick up the phone to call you to tell you that they got the page and that, yes!, I can clean the bathroom.

Not only is this a complete waste of time, but you could save so much money by completely eliminating a ridiculous system. I would like you then to consider putting that money towards hiring nurses or more porters - people who are actually useful in the hospital. And if that is not an option, then the ER nurses would like to request a big screen tv and karaoke machine in the lounge.



Sunday, February 13, 2011

Make Work Projects

Note to self: Make sure that when boosting a patient up in bed that you gauge how close you are to the wall first. Boosting your patient into the wall will only lead to a night of doing a head injury routine.


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Waiting Room Etiquette

Just for the record:

It is never ok to call out "brown lady with a psych problem" just because you can't pronounce their 48 letter name. Just sayin'...