Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Show Me The Money!!!!!

About two years ago our department started staffing two physicians on for 12 hours a day. The volume of patients was just too much for one physician to handle. Plus if you get one critically ill patient they can tie up the doctor for very long periods of time, leading to an even bigger backlog.

One of the duties of the new team is to work together while doing reductions. A reduction is something that is done for someone who has broken a bone or dislocated a joint that needs to be put back into place. We sedate them with Propofol...better known as the medication that aided in the demise of Michael Jackson...yank the body part back into alignment and presto!...a cast and you're on your way. In the olden days...i.e. 18 months ago...nurses were smart enough to draw up and administer the drugs used for these procedures. That suddenly stopped 18 months ago. Now that there are two physicians on, it has become necessary to pull the 2nd doc who could be productively seeing patients, to take the drugs the nurse has drawn up and administer it. And, of course, they get to bill the government for it!

So what I want to know is - where is my money for all the times that I was the "anesthetist"?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Who's Smarter Than A Two-Year Old?

If anyone reading this knows anything about Elmo's World than you can appreciate why we have a fish named Dorothy. It's simply a male beta fish in a fish bowl - just like the real Dorothy...only with male fishy parts...and he is a boy with a girl's name...and he can't be in a bowl with any other fish. Other than that he's just like the real Dorothy. When we went to the fish store to get Dorothy about six months ago there were no orange beta fish. Only black and white ones. So we got a white fish. Three days ago my "nursing" senses kicked in and I feared that Dorothy might have cataracts. Pretty bad senses considering Dorothy had in fact kicked the bucket. So I let it be known that Dorothy was very tired and in fact was sleeping all day. And then I had to develop a plan to get a new Dorothy and switch the new fish without the boys figuring it out and without waiting more than a day or so when old Dorothy would be sure to start melting away. Not an easy thing to do as a single parent!

Luckily my brother was in town and aided me in the big switch. Perfect. Dorothy was back, even feistier than ever and even ate her food!...something that may have contributed to the demise of old Dorothy. New Dorothy is quite a bit darker than old Dorothy but they didn't have any white ones left. I was one step closer to getting my secret stealthy Ninja certificate. Then it all unraveled last night. O was sitting looking at Dorothy swimming around very intently. Uh oh. He suddenly looked at me and said "Dat not Dorfee! Dat back!!". Uh.....ok Jenn, keep cool. "What are you talking about buddy? It's Dorothy. See?" "No! Dat back. Not Dorfee". Quick...THINK!!! Yes! Distraction! "Hey buddy, do you want a cookie and to watch some Nemo?" Nemo and a cookie. Haven't heard a word about it since. Yep - that's right...I'm smarter than a two year old!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Cold Much?

Here's a little continuation of my last post if it was written in form of a theatrical script:

(Nurse enters room and finds patient completely naked on bare mattress sitting with his legs stretched out and arms folded, hands tucked into his armpits)

Nurse: So...ah...Mark*...can I get you a blanket or something?

Mark: No thanks. I'm good. I've got gloves on.

(Mark pulls his hands out from under his armpits and shows Nurse the rubber medical gloves on his hands).

Nurse: Oh. Ok. Ah...if you change your mind let me know.

Seriously??? You can't make this stuff up!

*Patient's name has been changed

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Thirsty Much?

So here's an interesting question. What do you do when you catch a patient drinking water out of their already used urinal? Nope. Can't even make this stuff up. Is it wrong that I just sat there until he was finished because he had already drunk half of it due to shock and horror? I sort of repremanded him after I collected myself and told him that I would get him a cup...just ask! And that his arguement that "I rinsed it out" wasn't good enough to EVER drink out of a urinal. I left a couple of cups at the bedside. An hour later he joked that he would pee in the cups. Ha ha.